What won't I write?

[raisintorte]

Snagged from smittywing:

Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return(and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

(I know I still have five things to write, but I'm curious to see what people think I won't write.)

smittywing - this is your chance! Go crazy!

Comments

I am so screening this comment

[raisintorte.livejournal.com]

"Don't you think that's a little big to go in there?" Carson looked warily at Ronon from his spot on the bed. Ronon was rubbing some sort of gel over his hand.

"Nah. This is how we did it on Sateda. Take off your pants."

"No, I really think that's going to hurt." Carson didn't know how he got himself into this situation. He was a little drunk, and he might have flirted with Ronon a bit, but it was one thing to talk about rites of passage and another to end up in the middle of one.

"Doc, you wanted to know what it was like. Pants off and bend over."

"Really Ronon, I'm a doctor. Fists just aren't supposed to go there." He was beginning to think there was no good way out of this situation that didn't involve extreme pain.

"On my planet getting a fist up the ass was a sign you were truly a man. So bend over and take it like one." Carson had never heard Ronon use that particular tone before. He was really worried now.

"I don't want to be a man!" Carson squealed a bit and backed into the corner. Ronon moved forward and loomed over him.

Carson was about to scream for help when Ronon stepped back and started laughing.

~~~

What happens next? Does Carson get a fist up the bum? Or was Ronon joking? YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. Cause I'll NEVER WRITE IT.

Re: I am so screening this comment

[smittywing.livejournal.com]

DUDE, you crack me up. :D How are you so awesome???

Re: I am so screening this comment

[raisintorte.livejournal.com]

You are so evil. There is an unequal power balance here. I got you to write marriage fic. You got me to write FAKE FISTING. My biggest squick in the world.

Re: I am so screening this comment

[smittywing.livejournal.com]

I'm sure I can find you a bigger squick if I try hard. :D

Also, the marriage fic is four pages long and probably isn't even halfway done yet, depending on how much porn goes into it. So nyeah.

Re: I am so screening this comment

[omglawdork.livejournal.com]

OMG THAT WAS SO AWESOME

Re: I am so screening this comment

[raisintorte.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU! I still kinda want to screen the comment before I DIE OF SHAME.

Re: I am so screening this comment

[aurora]

*DIES SO HARD*

Re: I am so screening this comment

[raisintorte.livejournal.com]

I KNOW. She's EVIL.

She'll regret this when I write her NC-17 Weir/Sumner and include things like manly rod and velvet glove.