raisintorte | What won't I write?

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What won't I write?

Snagged from

smittywing:

Name three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return(and if inspired), I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.

(I know I still have five things to write, but I'm curious to see what people think I won't write.)

smittywing - this is your chance! Go crazy!

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HAHAHA. You know this isn't hard.

1) The NC-17 sequel to "No Courting Sweater Required"

2) The Ronon/Carson fisting fic.

3) The one where Bates makes McKay his sex slave by threatening him with a lemon.

*cough* Now I just have to go make up a few more IDs to sign up and think of more things. *whistles innocently*

::dies::

::reads again::

::dies again::

You are hilarious. Also, I'm so writing #3.

"Don't you think that's a little big to go in there?" Carson looked warily at Ronon from his spot on the bed. Ronon was rubbing some sort of gel over his hand.

"Nah. This is how we did it on Sateda. Take off your pants."

"No, I really think that's going to hurt." Carson didn't know how he got himself into this situation. He was a little drunk, and he might have flirted with Ronon a bit, but it was one thing to talk about rites of passage and another to end up in the middle of one.

"Doc, you wanted to know what it was like. Pants off and bend over."

"Really Ronon, I'm a doctor. Fists just aren't supposed to go there." He was beginning to think there was no good way out of this situation that didn't involve extreme pain.

"On my planet getting a fist up the ass was a sign you were truly a man. So bend over and take it like one." Carson had never heard Ronon use that particular tone before. He was really worried now.

"I don't want to be a man!" Carson squealed a bit and backed into the corner. Ronon moved forward and loomed over him.

Carson was about to scream for help when Ronon stepped back and started laughing.

~~~

What happens next? Does Carson get a fist up the bum? Or was Ronon joking? YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. Cause I'll NEVER WRITE IT.

DUDE, you crack me up. :D How are you so awesome???

You are so evil. There is an unequal power balance here. I got you to write marriage fic. You got me to write FAKE FISTING. My biggest squick in the world.

I'm sure I can find you a bigger squick if I try hard. :D

Also, the marriage fic is four pages long and probably isn't even halfway done yet, depending on how much porn goes into it. So nyeah.

OMG THAT WAS SO AWESOME

THANK YOU! I still kinda want to screen the comment before I DIE OF SHAME.

*DIES SO HARD*

I KNOW. She's EVIL.

She'll regret this when I write her NC-17 Weir/Sumner and include things like manly rod and velvet glove.

"You know you don't need to use the lemon to get laid. I'd sleep with you without the lemon hanging over our heads. I mean it's kinda risky having that lemon up there. What if it falls? What if if on the way down it bumps an edge and some juice squirts up in my eye? And then I die. And then you don't get sex anymore. So really, the lemon isn't necessary." Rodney laid back on Bates bed staring at the lemon that was dangling from a piece of rope over the bed.

Bates ignored him and kept doing whatever he was doing over in the corner that Rodney was sure was going to end with him aching in places he didn't even know it was possible to ache.

Rodney wasn't really sure how he got himself into this situation. One minute he's talking to Bates about power and marines and the next thing he knows he's in Bates' bed and there was a lemon hanging over hid head.

Bates really was a kinky bastard. He liked tormenting Rodney with the lemon during sex. Rodney would stop doing this, but Bates was a hot kinky bastard. And sex was sex.

So that's how he found himself, once again in Bates bed. Once again with a lemon hanging over his head. Once again about to have the best sex of his life.

*dies*

I'm a bit dead too.

DUDE. Not only did you SUSPEND THE LEMON but you also made Rodney LIKE IT. I feel so dirty now. :D

I KNOW. This is all of your fault. I wrote kinky Bates/McKay. REALLY.

I love you for this. I can't believe you actually did any of them. *dies*

I know!

smittywing is persuasive.

Thanks!

ROTFLOL

Thanks!

Ahahahaa! Rodney/Bates forever!

I know! I didn't actually expect to like it.

Thanks!

I have a "cookies for you!" icon that I often use when I like a fic. But in this case, I think I'll go with the one keyworded tart. *g*

That is a perfect icon! Thank you! :-)

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What won't I write?

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I am so screening this comment

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